Webster's YEAR WITHOUT A DICTIONARY defines Matt Mason as:

[1] Some vagrant guy who, whenever he finds himself with a tangible checking account, will quit his job(s) and go for a long drive.

[2] This often unemployed schmuck with a Master's degree in poetry writing from the University of California at Davis. Also: former poetry editor for The Morpo Review, one of the internet's first electronic literary magazines.

[3]  Someone alarmingly fond of writing about cows.

[4]  A Type 1 diabetic fighting an addiction to substances such as donuts, apple fritters, and Little Debbie.

[5]  Someone who's taught college English in California, North Dakota, and Nebraska, yet still has trouble using lay/lie in sentences.

[6]  A Major in the Air Force who went on many exciting adventures in a series of comic books in the 1960's. Mothers of Matt Mason's born in the late 60's deny naming their son after the action figure.

[7] Someone who did the Jesuit Volunteer Corps in Des Moines, Iowa and cannot figure out what the word "Des Moines" means.

[8]  Someone who's never been to Delaware or Alaska and was once asked to leave Canada over an international donut crisis.